


No 24. You're Not Making Any Sense

by Smiley5494



Series: Whumptober 2020 [23]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Magic Suppression, Magic as a sense, Merlin's magic - Freeform, Sensory Deprivation, Whumptober 2020, is a tag in itself, no 24
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:47:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27242929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smiley5494/pseuds/Smiley5494
Summary: Merlin’s magic was like any other sense he had, like any other limb.It is painful to bury a sense on purpose.
Series: Whumptober 2020 [23]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1965595
Comments: 9
Kudos: 63





	No 24. You're Not Making Any Sense

**Author's Note:**

> prompt:
> 
> No 24. YOU’RE NOT MAKING ANY SENSE  
> Forced Mutism | Blindfolded | **Sensory Deprivation**

It was lonely being magic under Uther’s rule. It was painful being forced to bury an integral part of yourself deep down. 

Merlin’s magic was like any other sense he had, like any other limb. He experienced the world through a veil of magic, everything and everyone brighter and sharper. There was magic in everything—the smallest spark in every object that has once been loved, the smallest spark in every natural thing. Magic was life, magic was love.

Merlin was magic, yet Merlin locked it away deep within himself. It cowered there, buried out of fear; yet every so often it burst out. Locking instinctive magic inside of yourself is akin to being told never to use your right hand—very nearly impossible; you will always move, whether that be a finger or just a twitch. 

It is painful to bury a sense on purpose. Merlin lived his whole life using magic as easily as breathing, and yet he was forced to deny an essential part of himself just to stay alive. Suppressing magic had consequences, it made his reaction time far slower, it made him far more clumsy. It made him more likely to be caught.

Uther burned sorcerers. Uther beheaded sorcerers. Uther hunted magic. 

Merlin was magic. 

There was fear—there would always be fear, no matter what humanity was persecuting, hate would always being fear. Morgana lost herself to that fear, to the hate. Nimeuh turned to revenge. Merlin destroyed himself. 

Magic was in everything, magic was in all life. There would always be magic in the heart of Camelot. It didn’t matter how many sorcerers Uther killed, he could never erase the magic from the world. 

The buildup of suppressed magic eventually burnt a born magic user from the inside out. If a sorcerer, a witch, a warlock suppressed their magic for an extended period of time, it would kill them; they would burn if they were caught, they would burn if they weren't. Either way, a sorcerer would burn—be it by Uther’s hand or by their own power.

There is something almost poetic about such a death.

* * *

When Merlin’s magic started to burn him, he would disappear into the forest and let it loose.

There it would burst out with a vengeance, filling the world. Without magic, Merlin was a deaf, dumb, and blind lamb just taking his first steps in the world. With it, he was whole; graceful in the way a gazelle was graceful—all limbs, lean and fast. 

Merlin would be able to see everything, the little flicker of magic that each leaf carried, the small candle that each animal has within. When Merlin let his magic loose, he was able to see the little trails people left when they loved, the path of a beloved trinket, the scattered remains of a broken sword. 

The relief that filled him when he let his magic loose, wasn’t entirely relief. It was mostly the absence of pain, the sudden realisation that he had been hurting the entire time he had been suppressing his magic. His eyes would burn gold as his magic explored, his power obvious in the way even the most magically inept would be able to sense it. 

He would let it loose, allowing himself to use his full senses, to use all his limbs. He would feel the relief of not having to cause himself deliberate pain. Eventually, however, he would have to hold his magic close and lock it deep inside. It would be excruciating at first, but he would get used to the sensation and start another day in Camelot.


End file.
